curiosity on elections

i was studying in jest the different political advertisements while peering from our car window on the way to lucban, quezon for our annual vacation. it continues to make me wonder how much money were spent on posters, tarpaulins, "volunteer" campaign supporters, at the expense of P3 per voter.

According to the new COMELEC memorandum (dated I don't know), each candidate is allowed to spend at a maximum of 3 pesos per voter. Imagine how many millions of voters we have and how much money they are allowed to spend. By the latest SWSurvey, the candidate who has spent the biggest amount is Prospero Pichay (at a whopping amount of P12 million). When interviewed, he mentioned something like, "it is not even enough to make his face and name known all over the country." Naman.

Again, i was studying things in jest, out of boredom perhaps. I was looking carefully at the different posters and laughed at how Photoshop can do wonders. A candidate running for a mayoralty post here in our town looked 30 years younger his original age --- sans wrinkles and white hair. Two posters when put side by side will confuse the voters if they find out that the two posters are campaigning for the same congressman in Quezon. There are also very catchy nicknames for which I wonder if these nicknames reflect their character (or platform) such as "Boy Bolok", "Exotik", and "Goma".

One will have to wonder how much candidates are willing to spend to be in power but not on the major problems of the country. If twelve million pesos is not enough for one person to be in power, then how much will it be left to create more employment opportunities, better health care systems, quality education, and environmental protection? These issues cannot be photoshopped nor can be replaced by catchy nicknames. These are REAL issues whose faces are longing for REAL answers.

I asked my brother why he did not register for the upcoming elections (he will be 18 years old by April 18.) He told me nonchalantly that there are no candidates worthy of his vote. I silently disagree with him, because there are still, I believe, people, when given the opportunity, with great potential in order to serve the common good.

Of course, we have to be wise in choosing these people. Meron diyan binigyan na nga ng oportunidad, sinayang pa. meron naman diyan walang definite na plataporma. At meron naman diyan na ginagamit ang kasikatan para makakuha ng boto.

Well, at least in fairness, the political advertisements on TV are more creative and in a sense catchy this year.

Job Hunt

This week is Job Fair Week, probably the most important week for seniors who aspire to fulfill their dreams through their dream jobs. There are quiet a number of companies offering call center work and pharmaceutical-based jobs, not to mention IT-related work.

Actually, I have started my job hunt since the first week of January. As many students search for jobs this week, I, on the other hand, begin submitting my application forms. My principle is that the early bird gets the worm...or at least have a big probability of getting a piece of the worm.

I also applied for Ateneo High School, my second home for four years for which I am most grateful for. I applied for a teaching position (that I have been praying over for months, and vying for years!)

Anyway, as I went into the lobby, i saw my old arts teacher reading a newspaper on the sofa. She recognizes me (after giving her a hint about my name), and was really bubbly when she learned why I was there.

mam: magtuturo ka dito? wow! sabi na nga ba e...
me: ha? mam, what do you mean?
mam: you know, high school pa lang, you are already showing some teaching skills.
me: (surprised) wow...really?
mam: yeah! what subject are trying to apply for ba?
me: umm...social studies po...i really love (world) history kasi e.
mam: ah talaga? why don't you apply in my department (arts department)? you can teach art history! i will recommend you kung gusto mo!
me: (blushing) wow...omg. thanks mam! i will try first if there are any vacancies in the social studies department.
mam: oh sure! make sure to put arts as one of your preferences...kahit pang number-4 lang! omg, i'm so happy you are applying....

i also found out that she was recently promoted as the department chairperson of the arts department. wow. double wow.

i also met my old english teacher as i wait for the secretary in the lobby. ganun din ang result ng conversation namin, puro encouragements, and of course, persuasion to join their department. i politely declined because i am not proficient in speaking in english. napapa-ingles lang ako kapag galit na ako o parang feel ko lang mag-ingles o gusto kong magpaimpress ng judges (our formidable idiosyncracies in our product include...). I do write in English, but I need someone (always) to proofread eveything from the capitalization to grammar to the smallest punctuation. I do adore reading novels and literature written in English, but I still felt that I am not capable of teaching it to students (because the last time I did it during one summer, I infused it with philosophy and social studies which became more baffling and confusing.)

today, i checked the website of the ateneo, and to my delight, the ateneo high school has posted job vacancies. Wow. Three good signs, for which I all took as a good omen.

Sipag, tiyaga, at isang malaking pananampalataya. Yan ang bitbit ko habang isinasakatuparan ang trabahong ninanais ko. :)

rantations

bakit may mga tao na mahilig magsuot ng maskara? Matapos mangyari ang dapat mangyari, unti-unting natatanggal sa kanyang mukha ang maskarang kay tagal isinusuot.

At the outset, you really look beautiful, but what happened, i do not know whether to trust you anymore. To be specific, how could you treat us this way, ngayong alam mo na ang totoong sentimyento ng karamihan? Hindi ba't ito na ngayon ang pagkakataon para ikaw ay makapagmuni muli at tignan kung paano ka pwedeng mag-improve?

OKs lang sanang wag mo na kaming pansinin. Wag ka lang sanang mandamay ng ibang inosente at siraan kami sa aming likod.

sheesh. The stench of your rotting heart seeps its way to unmask your outer beauty.

to patrick

hello. long time no see. for almost two years na rin kita hindi nakikita. so how is winter wonderland? im sure you are having a terrific time with your new life: a new home, a new school, new friends perhaps. i barely remember your face because according to your recent letters, you have already grown twice as large. all i could remember is your voice.

thanks for the greetings. im sure you have appreciated the thing i sent you, at least something from the philippines for once. and im sure you were delighted to have read my contribution. do you know that you were the first person i talked to about this great opportunity? haha. and now, i am on my way to fulfilling my dreams.

pat, your recent message seems to be a depressed one. does friendship have to end with the existence of distance? pat, with distance all the more it challenges the two of us to make our relationship as friends even closer. if we indeed desire to become the best of friends, likie we used to when we were in high school, then let us struggle to be one with the new found friends that we already have. treat others as you would have treated me back home.

pat, we miss you already. niko and i have continuously praying for your success to love and be loved. marlon extends his greetings as well.

your ever faithful friend,

nicolo

Giving and Not Counting the Cost

Who in the right mind will accept St. Ignatius’ veritable prayer, “The Prayer of Generosity” as it speaks of giving and not counting the cost, fighting and not heeding the wounds? Forgive me but this is one task that will take me a lifetime to fulfill.

I am not actually your average person who will give everything without taking into consideration what I have spent in the first place. When I took up Management Economics as my course, my mother swore that it was a course that befits me. No, it is not because I am good in commerce or mathematics (in fact, I despise numbers), but simply because I am the most spedthrift among the family. Over the years I have rationalized what I am on money matters: I’d rather be called “matipid”than “kuripot”. By “matipid” I discern over on goods which I consider either necessary bor a luxury. By “kuripot”, however, I do not spend even on the necessay things that would make me more humane.

But when it comes to friendship, priorities, love, passion, dedication, and leadership, price becomes irrelevant. After being in ACIL for seven years, I have come to a conclusion that being a leader costs a lot – financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. To become an excellent leader, one needs to shell out his own resources, sometimes find for new sources. “Kung minsan, ikaw pa ang abonado.”

My desire and belief that ACIL as a community for Christ further motivated me into being more giving to others. It had reached to the point that sacrifices were made: I didn’t join any other org, focused my efforts on ACIL alone, settled for a mediocre QPI, gave up the prospects of having a girlfriend. In trying to become faithful to the org’s vision, I sometimes wonder if my giving was too much, and would have been an excessive detriment for my welfare.

Yesterday, I had my first ever booklaunch as a contributor to a collection of essays on “striving, learning and serving.” It was a big milestone, esp., since I am a frustrated writer. I invited my family and friends to this occasion, and explained to everyone how much it meant to me for them to be there. It was my first achievement outside ACIL, but ironically about ACIL, or how I ended up the way I am today.

But only my family showed up. I was eagerly waiting for my friends, but it seemed that nobody ever tried to be there.

When I was called in front and received my complimentary copy of the book from Dr. Queena Lee-Chua, I was searching for my friends in the lightly-densed crowd. Finally, after I finished my meal, I decided to go back to the org room, dejected and disappointed.

It turned out that the people who I expected an hour and a half ago were just there doing their own stuff, as if nothing had happened. Nobody even bothered to congratulate me, nor have told me anything that would make me feel for the first time an unraveling person of dreams. At that moment, I didn’t want to exist as Nicolo the President, but as Nicolo the Writer.

But my so-called “friends” grounded me back to the reality that I am their president, the understanding and most often neglected person in the organization. My whole presidency I have never been treated as a person who has needs too, feelings and dreams, moods and goals. Except in my ranting moments with Ronnel, I didn’t feel any care for my own self. The last test was my own birthday present – the booklaunching – but nobody tried to celebrate it with me, or me.

Am I asking too much? Maybe because I have been too much of a mother-to-others that I am withheld with the right to ask for protection and comfort. I am expected to give solace, comfort, understanding, and even loving reprimands, that automatically meant motherhood for them but not necessarily for me.

Or am I giving too much? My work in ACIL for seven long and arduous years is enough a testimony of how much I believed in making Christ a living reality as our form of being light in the Lord. I have been what they call an urban legend in ACIL. My former classmates in highschool and my co-presidents in COA know me as “Nicolo of ACIL”. It is as if I am wedded and welded to an organization. Yes, I have given myself in the service of the organization. I had to answer back against my parent’s wishes . They have constantly reminded me that I am in my senior year and I should be focused on what I wanted to do after college, thesis, and other research. It was not an intensed debate though since I had achieved high marks in college, except for a few C+’s. I have repeatedly responded them how much I love ACIL and the people I encounter.

But for one solitary occasion I felt that my own fidelity abandoned me. After the booklaunch behind the seemingly smiles of triumph lies a defeated and embattled heart. Have I given too much for the one you love? I felt that everyone had truned its back away from me while I bitterly swallowed loneliness.

To give and not to count the cost. How could I not notice when after giving so much not an ounce of recognition comes back? Should I be convinced that I will forever be the “abonado”? I am not asking for a reward, but as a person with feelings, I am pleading for sensitivity in their hearts, a little concern for the welfare of others.

A friend later consoled my disbelief and sorrow, and said “It is not because of them you have achieved but because of you.” Partly true. Though I have achieved because of my own doing, the content of my achievement was because of them. And being on the top of the world for at least two hours was the loneliest triumphant milestone.

That afternoon, I was really reflecting on whether I should join the carolling with ACIL. After all, they do not recognize you as they are still self-absorbed by their own gratuities. I eventually did anyway because despite how much “abonado” you already are with them, I still love them.

In Class

nakikihiram ako ng laptop ngayon kasi uber boring ng class ko ngayon. the class is on knowledge management and i just finished giving a presentation on patents. specifically international law on patents. pero hindi hahaba ang discussion kung hindi sabat ng sabat yung prof namin. yung normal 15 minutes naging 35 minutes.

antagal ko na palang hindi nagbablog. haha. tapos kung minsan hindi pa matino yung isinusulat ko. oh well.

mahaba pa tong class na to pero feeling ko nakatingin na sa akin yung prof namin. gtg. :)

wow...hecticness to the max

halos hindi ako makahinga ngayong semester na to.

sabi nila, ang senior year daw ang pinakamagaang year kasi patapos na ang lahat.

not.

nung high school ako, kala ko napagdaanan ko na ang bawat sakit at hirap ng pag-aaral kaya naman dapat pagdating ng college madali na lang to sa akin.

not.

as i look back into my life 4 year ago, i miss the days when i was still young and wrinklefree. Now I am proud to say that I have more white hair strands, deep, swelling eyebags and a big tummy.

kalahati na pala ng taon.

nasa last semester na ako bago magtungo sa finish line.

kahit hindi first, basta makaabot sa finish line.

huling hirit na to sa aking college life. make it the best.

wow...hecticness to the max

halos hindi ako makahinga ngayong semester na to.

sabi nila, ang senior year daw ang pinakamagaang year kasi patapos na ang lahat.

not.

nung high school ako, kala ko napagdaanan ko na ang bawat sakit at hirap ng pag-aaral kaya naman dapat pagdating ng college madali na lang to sa akin.

not.

as i look back into my life 4 year ago, i miss the days when i was still young and wrinklefree. Now I am proud to say that I have more white hair strands, deep, swelling eyebags and a big tummy.

kalahati na pala ng taon.

nasa last semester na ako bago magtungo sa finish line.

kahit hindi first, basta makaabot sa finish line.

huling hirit na to sa aking college life. make it the best.

niks

hi niks.

so kumusta naman? lam mo na, dyan sa kinalalagyan mo. im sure wherever you are, masaya ka na dyan.

i have been longing to talk to you. ang dami kong gusto ikwento sa iyo. ang dami ko ring mga reklamo na gusto ko lang ipasa. at marami rin akong mga pangarap na matagal mo na sigurong gustong marinig.

but looking through the glass, i just couldn't help but miss you...and cry.

but again, you have always told me not to cry. you once reprimanded me for crying over matters. in any problem, you seemed to have a brighter side of things: "Look on the brighter side...". Here you go again, sa loob-loob ko. It was only handling org responsibilities did I realize that that magic clause is very powerful.

i miss our old company. remember the antipolo boys? we used to hang out at your house, play video games, visit to the mall and play slot cars, and eat a lot. Do you still remember the old chocolates tita rose gave you as a gift in june, and still frozen and intact in your fridge in december? ibang klase ka rin...you do not want to eat the food given to you as gifts by other people. and ang daya mo...lagi na lang kaming naghahang sa inyo. kung sabagay, kayo lang ang may access sa pool. haha. we used to gang up on lionel and torture him in the pool. paano ba naman kasi, rumarampa pa sa pool, akala mo model ng project runway. hahaha.

i miss you as a classmate. yes, you got spectacular grades while balancing the act as our president. mahilig ka talagang mambola. i still have your short story and some of your papers back in grade school...namumukadkad sa flowery words and icing-coated sentences. and do you still that traumatic soiree? i saw you disheartened by what happened, but in order not to affect the many guests, you posited a smile and pretended that everything was all right.

i miss you as a friend. there were things i could not confide to some people, which you could only handle. the biggest of which is my fear of joining any organization. and thanks to you, look at me where i am now. kung dati kuntento na sa pagiging member, now it seems that i have an obligation to set things in the right direction, and to create space for growth for my org.

i miss you niks, sobra-sobra.

dami ko pa kwento sa yo. dami ko gusto sabihin. hindi ko na lang talaga alam kung paano ko sisimulan.

niks, sabi mo sa kin dati gusto mo ring maging teacher, tapos sabay tayong magtuturo. i guess mag-isa na lang ako ngayon.

pero lam mo, hindi ako nag-iisa, because for me, you exist but in a different form. the friends that i currently have in ACIL who committed themselves in teaching will be my companions. through them i will always be remembered that you exist not in the same form as before. kahit minsan inaaway ako ng mga to, like we used to do, they will always remain to be very dear to me.

niks, salamat sa iyo. maraming, maraming salamat sa iyo.



ang iyong kaibigang maluwalhating nagdadalamhati,

nicolo